someone get that fucking seahorse.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
