dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize