I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
