if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its about making memories worth repressing
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
