You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Panties = found
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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