i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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