never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
