Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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