You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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