I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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