I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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