Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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