sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You pole danced in your parka.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
