is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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