im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
