No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
