I just made out with a guy for $7.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
