I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
