my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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