Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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