Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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