This dress was meant to end up on your floor
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize