woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Found the puke drawer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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