Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
