Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
