Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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