:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
