Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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