Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
