I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
