so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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