If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love you.
Bad choice
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