finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i think im in europe. pls send help
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
