State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
