Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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