Can Purell be used as lube?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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