i think my mom watched the whole time
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
