I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
