saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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