where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
