No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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