OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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