i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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