Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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