I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
