I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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