he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
