So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
