i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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