Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
