would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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