3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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