Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
