U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish you could order shots online.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
