it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I yelled at your uterus for you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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