New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
