The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize