there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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