the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
