I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So squirting runs in the family.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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