Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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