I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
