If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
