You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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