You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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