I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
